From Here to Health

My journey back from autoimmune disease

Daily Log

on July 12, 2012

So let me just start this by saying I went totally off the reservation today!  (Is that an offensive expression??) It was just a messed up kind of day.  It started out weird because I didn’t have any “real” food in the house for breakfast and had to eat part of a protein bar. (My daughter stole part of it).  Then I think I felt a little “off” because this was my scheduled rest day from CrossFit, but not having that morning workout time leaves me a little off kilter.  I decided to take my daughter to the park while my husband did homeschool with the boys.  That was great.  She played with lots of other kids, the weather was great and I got to read for a while.  When I got home I realized that something was wrong with my right front tire.  My dad lives next door and was outside when I got home.  I showed it to him and he said it needed to be replaced before I ended up with a flat!  So…I updated my checking account to make sure all was ok before I went to get tires and found out that my checking account was overdrawn!  It has been probably 6 or 7 years since I have done that.  I wept.  Literally wept.  I knew money was tight, but I didn’t think it was quite that tight.  My sweet mother lent me some money to go get the tire fixed.  I got a little discount at Costco since it was still under a road hazard warranty.  But we (me and my 3 kids) were at Costco for 3 hours.  This is where I went even more off the reservation.  I fed the kids before we left, but I was in such a state that I didn’t even bother to eat. We got so hungry and desperate at Costco that we all got fat-free (chemical-laden I am sure) frozen yogurt.  Then I had another protein bar in my purse so again I had part of that (yes, my daughter again stole some of my food).  By the time we left there the kids were hungry again, so I got them some fries and I ate 4 or 5 of them.  I also got this barbeque salad.

It was my only “real” meal of the day and it didn’t sit very well.  The cheddar cheese??  I don’t know, but I do know today kinda sucked. So…tomorrow is going to be different.  I am determined not to let this send my down a shame spiral.  When I saw that my checkbook was overdrawn, I immediately wanted to eat.  Why is that???  Eating does not put more money in my checkbook.  Nevertheless, it was my first response!  And actually I did.  I grabbed a handful of the kids gluten free Chex cereal.  No bowl, no nothing, just a giant handful into my mouth.  Not pretty!  I realized that even though my diet is probably better than 90% of the American population, it is not good enough.  I do not have the psychological freedom that I so desperately want.  Not to mention that I have 2 autoimmune conditions so pretty good just isn’t going to cut it.  I have decided to do the Whole30 program.  I need a recommitment to my diet.  I had randomly picked up It Starts with Food at my library this week.  I didn’t even know it was Paleo, I just thought the cover looked like something I might like.  Well…it is a great Paleo book.  Of all the ones I have read, this is the one I would recommend to a beginner if they didn’t know where to start.  It has the science but it also has the practical and it is so easy to read.  Once I got into it, I realized that another blogger whom I follow is doing the program right now.  We had been talking about it but I didn’t know it was the same thing at first.  My husband calls this synchronicity.  It happens to me all the time!  Like when I was reading the 50 Shades of Grey trilogy and came across Thomas Tallis.  Never heard of him.  Then the next day, my husband I were watching the Tudors and who should enter but Thomas Tallis.  And it has come up again since then!  Weird right?!  Anyway, I am taking the multiple appearances of the Whole30 program that God is providing a way for me to get the freedom I want.  I don’t think it is going to be easy since I have traveling to do during the next 30 days, but I decided there would always be some event to stand in my way so I am just going to go at it full force and do the best that I can.  I would appreciate your prayers and good energy over the next 30 days!  There are some pretty powerful testimonials out there about the benefits of this plan.  Many of them related to hormonal recovery.  Even though I am doing so much better, I still have a host of endocrine issues so I am praying that this will make a difference and my tests in September will show it. If you made it to the end of this inane rambling post, God Bless You:)

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