From Here to Health

My journey back from autoimmune disease

Random Thoughts

on July 22, 2012

So today has been a tough day.  I have really been struggling with why I am not getting the “visible” results that I think I should be getting on this program.  I know, I know, I’m only 10 days into a 30 day program, but let’s get real.  This way of eating is very near to the way I was eating anyway and I had been doing that for months.  Some version of it for the past 2 years!  I keep looking at other people who do CrossFit and thinking…why am I not getting those results??? I read the testimonials of weight loss and miraculous health conditions reversed by this paleo diet and I think, WHY NOT ME???  Sounds like a big pity party, huh!  That is the frame of mind I was in when I went to church this  morning.  We didn’t go to our usual church this morning.  My Nana is in the nursing home with Alzheimer’s and I was really overdue to go see her so we decided to go to the informal church service at her nursing home this morning.  FYI- my kids love it.  They love visiting her and are so sweet and comfortable among all the patients there.  There are patients of all ages because it is not strictly an “old folks home.”  They take people with all sorts of physical and mental conditions.  The common denominator is that they cannot for one reason or another take care of themselves.  Back to the point…my kids could spend hours there everyday.  It is a beautiful thing.  I, on the other hand, feel like a fish out of water.  I don’t know how to convince her to eat.  I feel at a loss for the appropriate thing to say to keep her calm when she is having an “episode.”  I get a little impatient repeating myself over and over.  So…that is where we were this morning.  The sermon, or just informal talk really, was about stress and how it’s difficult to get away from it in this life.  Of course, I related.  I put so much stress on myself over needing to know why, why, why.  He spoke today about not always needing to know why.  Trusting that there is a why, God knows it, and if He wants me to know it He will reveal it.  If  He doesn’t, He won’t.  Wow!  I felt like he was speaking directly to me.  I looked around at all the people in this room.  Most were in wheelchairs.  Some couldn’t use their voices.  Nevertheless, they made sounds during the songs, praising God to the best of their ability.  And me, here I sat with a wonderful husband, 3 gorgeous, kind, loving children and a body that works.  Not perfectly all the time, but it works.  I realized that even though I can’t see my progress like I want to yet, it is the best thing I can do to get me to the end game I desire.  I don’t want to end up in a place like that.  I want to be 90 years old, still cooking for my great grandkids and tending to my lawn.  I want to be able to hold my great grandbabies in my arms and know who they are.  Taking care of my body is the best plan I have at this time for getting to that point.  And, to be brutally honest, I think the last time I “looked really good”, I let it go to my head.  I think I put too much emphasis on it.  I don’t want to go back there either.  God obviously has some lessons for me that I still need to learn.  I just have to keep asking myself,” Does this choice get me closer to the end game that I want, or further away?”  When I ask myself that question about my current plan, I have to admit that (even though I can’t see it yet) this plan gets a YES!

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