From Here to Health

My journey back from autoimmune disease

Setting New Intention

on September 21, 2012

So I have a new focus for the blog for the time being.  I am going to journal about my weight loss goals.  I started out this blog with a goal of losing some weight, but then abandoned it.  I was telling myself that it just wasn’t going to happen.  Be happy with where you are.  You aren’t fat.  And some of that is true.  I’m not “fat”.  I am also not where I want to be.  I think I was lying to myself though.  I really do want to drop some weight and by denying that and was not being authentic.  I think am afraid that wanting to lose weight when I am not “overweight” will seem vain.  I don’t really think that I am vain.  I just the strength that I feel on the inside to be reflected on the outside.   Another idea that has been holding me back is the thought that it just won’t happen.  I have this notion that my body doesn’t work like other people’s bodies.  I have been eating primarily paleo for about a year and a half and I have slowly and steadily gained 15 pounds.  Yes I am working out and there is some muscle, but not 15 pounds of it.  I get really tired of hearing that.  I am not only gaining pounds, I am gaining inches.  Everyone at CrossFit who goes paleo seems to have this huge body transformation, but not me.  There is something involved in the diet that doesn’t agree with me.  It is like my body is holding on to the fat because it thinks it will need it.  I have to some how convince it to let go.  I don’t want to abandon paleo altogether because I really do believe in the science behind it.  I am, however, going to have to find some way to modify it.

This all started with some progress/fitness pictures my husband took of me last night.  We had just worked out and  I felt strong, so I told him to take a few pics from angles I have a hard time doing myself.  Well, when I looked at them, I had a nervous breakdown.  In my mind, I feel slim and strong.  But pictures and my pants beg to differ.  That is the reason I have decided to go back to the scale for a while.  I am fully aware that it does not tell the whole picture, but I need something concrete to help me move in the right direction.  There is a puzzle piece I am missing and I am going to need all my tools to figure it out.  I don’t know what my end goal is as far as weight.  My body has changed.  It has put on some muscle.  I know that today’s weight of 128 pounds is not ok.  I am going to evaluate 1 pound at a time and see how I feel at that weight.  My husband has agreed to sit and pray with me everyday about this intention and about letting go of the pounds and the negative thoughts about my body.

He says he can feel my energy shifting and that change is coming.  I think he is right.  I will keep you all posted.

 

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2 responses to “Setting New Intention

  1. sahmilf says:

    Good luck on this new blogging venture! I hope you find what works for your body, and be proud of what you’ve done!

    • cebrought says:

      Thanks! I’m sure this blog will morph many times over depending on where I am at the moment. I am trying to cut out all sugars at the moment and see what that does for me. Here’s hoping:))

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