From Here to Health

My journey back from autoimmune disease

ED Day 9

Finn made me breakfast in bed this morning.  She didn’t get to be very creative since my diet is so limited, but she didn’t seem to care.  It was the standard turkey and spinach with chives and a drizzle of garlic oil.  It was especially good since I didn’t have to make it myself.  I look a little naked in the picture below because I am.  Finn had told me not to get out of bed, but I snuck out and took a walk before she got up.  When she came in to “surprise” me I was quickly trying to change back into my jammies but didn’t have time and just jumped under the covers to feign my surprise;)  It’s not indecent right?  Just pretend I am wearing a strapless dress to bed.  So sweet that my daughter now to serve my food with digestive enzymes:)  Actually Finn is only wearing her undies and an apron so maybe it just runs in the family;)

IMG_2546 Lunch

More turkey and spinach, like you couldn’t have guessed!

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Dinner

Carrot puree and zucchini

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I only had carrot and zucchini at dinner because I still felt full from lunch.  I think it was because I am still constipated.  It’s not that I am not going at all, but it is not often enough and too difficult to go.  Other than that, I still have some pain in my left calf and my itchy bumps.  BUT…I lost 6 pounds in the first 8 days!!!  Yay!!! I truly was not doing this to lose weight, but I was hopeful that eliminating some problematic foods would reduce my inflammation and help me shed a little weight.  I am hopeful that is what is happening.  I don’t really feel like I am eating a ton fewer calories.  I am eating 900 calories of fat a day without even considering the veggies or protein so I figure it has to be somewhere in the neighborhood of 1600 calories. Plus I am not working out as hard.  I am walking and doing some very low-key bodyweight stuff for like 10 minutes most days.  That’s it.  Hopefully the trend will continue and I can drop more of these unwanted pounds:)

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A few more words on my “weight” revelation

Any of you who read these posts probably know that I plan nothing beforehand.  When I have a few minutes, I just sit down here and type.  Just let it fly.  One day, I hope to actually put some thought into what I want this blog to be.  I take that back.  I have put thought into it, I just haven’t put any real action behind it.  I think I am hoping it will just evolve naturally into this living thing where I say something, you guys respond and there will be a natural progression- like a conversation.  We’ll see how that goes:)

Anyway, I wanted to speak a few more words about my newest revelation.  The one that states that I don’t have to lose this 10 pounds.  Really I don’t.  My doctor said so!  I was at my gynecologist last week and for the past couple years I have been asking her how I could get this 10 pounds off.  What she thought the “problem” might be.  This visit I asked her, “Do I have to lose this weight?  Is there any medical reason why I would need to?” Her answer was no.  Your BMI is great and if you feel better with the 10 pounds on then you absolutely shouldn’t worry about it.  All of this while literally weeping because I knew just in asking the question that I had given myself a huge gift.  Shaken off some pretty serious chains.  Let me put this in perspective.  In the 6th grade our class had to get weighed for the President’s Challenge.  You know, one of those things where they count your sit ups, pull ups and how far you and bend over and touch your toes.  Mind you, I did really awesome at all that stuff, but what I remember is that when I got up to the scale (in front of everyone, something that probably wouldn’t happen these days) someone said, ” I can’t believe she weighs 104 pounds!”  Maybe they meant that in a a good way.  Like, 104 pounds is soooo small.  But what I heard was, ” 104 pounds is too much to weigh.”  I realize now of course that 104 pounds was fine.  I was 5’2″ tall.  Same as now.  I didn’t grow another inch after 6th grade.  Now I weigh around 124 pounds so I know that at 104 pounds I was small.   But ever since that day I have had an unholy obsession with the number on the scale.  I can tell you what I weighed the night I met my husband.  The day we got married.  When I went to Paris.  When I went to Disney.  After giving birth to my daughter. When I was diagnosed with Sjodgren’s. When I was diagnosed with Celiac.  The list goes on and on.  I haven’t tried to commit these numbers to memory on purpose, but they have just carried such a strong tie to my self worth that I held on to them.  My commitment for 2013 is NO MORE SCALES!  I want to take a trip this year and my memory be- Wow, I slept so great on that trip, or I ate the most amazing local food on that trip, or even I had the best sex of my life on that trip ( of course this being a trip that my husband took also)!  The point is that I want to have other benchmarks for events in my life.  Things that actually carry meaning and worth. It really is so hard to put into words the way that this has changed my life.  There is a lightness of spirit that hasn’t been present for literally 20 years.  I am so excited about all the things I will have the energy to do now that I don’t have a commitment to obsessing over that number and how many calories I will need to cut or cardio hours I will need to put in.  Hopefully I will have some time to put into making this blog super awesome:))

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Virgin Diet Finale

So today was my last day on the Virgin Diet.  According to the book it is now time for me to systematically add things back in.  I haven’t really decided if or how I am going to do this part of the program.  Let me back up and give you a short synopsis of my experience thus far.  I want to say up front that I was not perfect on this plan.  I had perfect days, but not all 21 of them.  What seemed to give me problems was the sugar.  I didn’t have any refined sugar, but I did have some leftover paleo treats that I had frozen after Christmas.  With that stated, let me tell you what changed for me over the course of the 21 days.  I started the plan really hoping to lose about 10 pounds.  That did not happen.  At best, I lost 2-3.  I only had 10 to lose to begin with and I was already eating primarily paleo, so this diet wasn’t grossly different from my regular eating.  However, I felt better.  I have been sleeping great, my *ahem* intimate life is better (more responsive), I have more energy and my skin looks great!  As a side note, I have started using the oil cleansing method and I love it.  Not sure how much of the great skin is due to the new skin care regime or the diet.  I suspect it is some of both.  I definitely think that dairy is a problem for me and I have no intention of adding it back in any time soon.  I am thinking maybe 3-6 months from now I might give it a trial.  Even though I was hoping that eggs were not a problem, I think they may be.  I am going to try adding them back in in very small increments- like in paleo mayo- but not eating huge amounts of eggs dishes.  We’ll see how that goes.   As for the gluten, corn and soy- bye bye forever.  The peanuts may still be an occasional treat.  I so love peanut butter and think I can handle it every once in a while as a treat.  The hardest part for me for sure was the sugar.  I am considering doing the 21 day sugar detox in February.  I’ll keep you posted if I do.

Here is the best thing that came from doing The Virgin Diet.  I finally feel like it is ok if I don’t lose this 10 pounds.  Let me say that one more time.  I don’t HAVE to lose this 10 pounds.  I gained this weight about a year and a half ago and have been trying to get it off ever since with no success.  Through this process I realized that eating healthy and feeling good are their own reward.  I’m tired of chasing after that number on the scale.  I will admit that I believed I looked better without the 10 pounds, but I feel better now.  I’m happy and energetic.  Optimistic and cheerful.  Joyful and (at times) a little randy!  So I don’t think I want to restrict calories and do cardio like a fiend to chase that number.  Turns out, I love reading. ( I knew this of course, but I hadn’t taken the time until the last couple of months).  And, I want to improve this blog.  My computer skills are woefully inadequate.  I want to cuddle with my kids and watch movies.  All things that would likely go undone if I felt like I needed to do more calorie counting and cardio. So….all in all….The Virgin Diet was a huge success:)

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Weigh In

So we prayed this week that I would weigh in at 125.8 pounds today.  Hopped on the scale and I weighed 125.6!!! It seems unbelievably simple, but changing my mind and praying are the only two things I have done differently.  When we started to pray about it together and I got honest about what I wanted and why, it changed my attitude and my outlook.  I believe that our thoughts have energy and changing my thoughts is affecting my body down to the cellular level.  I was eating right and exercising already.  To be honest, I am old hat at that.  I have had that down for a while.  Years, maybe.  But for some reason I have continued to hold on to some kind of fear.  Fear that I couldn’t succeed.  Fear that if I shined too brightly people wouldn’t like me.  I read a quote from Marianne Williamson the other day that I loved and what she said (among other things) was that by shining brightly, you don’t outshine others, you give them permission to do the same.  I LOVED that!  I love the idea that my being a bright light in this world allows someone else to let their light shine a little brighter.   That is how I am choosing to look at it now.  I want my decisions to be dictated by love and not fear.

 

Just as a side note, it has been an extremely crazy day.  My husband had emergency oral surgery for an abscess and my daughter has lice again!  She has a photo shoot with a photographer from L.A. on Saturday and I can’t seem to get rid of the nits in her hair!!  Arghhh!! Most of the nits are dead, but it makes me crazy picking them out of her long hair.  Her hair is so fine that they just don’t come out with the comb.  My darling husband has said he will spend his whole day tomorrow picking nits while he is numbed up on Oxycodone.  Gotta love him.

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Setting New Intention

So I have a new focus for the blog for the time being.  I am going to journal about my weight loss goals.  I started out this blog with a goal of losing some weight, but then abandoned it.  I was telling myself that it just wasn’t going to happen.  Be happy with where you are.  You aren’t fat.  And some of that is true.  I’m not “fat”.  I am also not where I want to be.  I think I was lying to myself though.  I really do want to drop some weight and by denying that and was not being authentic.  I think am afraid that wanting to lose weight when I am not “overweight” will seem vain.  I don’t really think that I am vain.  I just the strength that I feel on the inside to be reflected on the outside.   Another idea that has been holding me back is the thought that it just won’t happen.  I have this notion that my body doesn’t work like other people’s bodies.  I have been eating primarily paleo for about a year and a half and I have slowly and steadily gained 15 pounds.  Yes I am working out and there is some muscle, but not 15 pounds of it.  I get really tired of hearing that.  I am not only gaining pounds, I am gaining inches.  Everyone at CrossFit who goes paleo seems to have this huge body transformation, but not me.  There is something involved in the diet that doesn’t agree with me.  It is like my body is holding on to the fat because it thinks it will need it.  I have to some how convince it to let go.  I don’t want to abandon paleo altogether because I really do believe in the science behind it.  I am, however, going to have to find some way to modify it.

This all started with some progress/fitness pictures my husband took of me last night.  We had just worked out and  I felt strong, so I told him to take a few pics from angles I have a hard time doing myself.  Well, when I looked at them, I had a nervous breakdown.  In my mind, I feel slim and strong.  But pictures and my pants beg to differ.  That is the reason I have decided to go back to the scale for a while.  I am fully aware that it does not tell the whole picture, but I need something concrete to help me move in the right direction.  There is a puzzle piece I am missing and I am going to need all my tools to figure it out.  I don’t know what my end goal is as far as weight.  My body has changed.  It has put on some muscle.  I know that today’s weight of 128 pounds is not ok.  I am going to evaluate 1 pound at a time and see how I feel at that weight.  My husband has agreed to sit and pray with me everyday about this intention and about letting go of the pounds and the negative thoughts about my body.

He says he can feel my energy shifting and that change is coming.  I think he is right.  I will keep you all posted.

 

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Catching Up

Ok, so I know I have been remiss about posting over the past week.  I expect all of you to forgive me:))  Just as everyone else on the planet, I have been crazy busy.  I am also trying to decide where I want to take this blog.  I feel like I may have outgrown the current format.  I still want to document where I am going, especially with my health and fitness journey, but it make take me a while to find a new groove, so hang with me, will ya?

My sleeping habits have been all over the map since my last post.  A couple of nights of no sleep, a few nights of deep dreamless sleep, a night of truly erotic dreams (gasp!) and then one dream where Jesus came to me.  I know, weird. FYI, Jesus didn’t speak to me this time, He just comforted me when I lost my daughter in the dream.  Still, it was the first time I had seen Jesus (asleep or awake) and it was pretty cool.  Not sure if the image was based on reality or  my own personal idea of Jesus’ appearance, but either way it was magical.

I have been working out consistently since my last post.  CrossFit, running, Zumba and Bodyrock.  I am improving upon my run time, slowly but surely.  My last 3 mile run was 29:24.  CrossFit has started this new Levels testing.  We had the tests for achieving Level 1 today and I made it!  Yeah me!  I don’t have my sheet in front of me but I think I can remember most of it.

1. 500 unbroken jump ropes

2. 20 unbroken box jumps (20 inches)

3. 15 unbroken thrusters (55 pounds)

4. 80 air squats in 2 minutes

5. 60 sit ups in 2 minutes

6. 20 burpees in 1 minute

7. 400 meter run 1:55 (finished mine in 1:35)

8. 15 unbroken push press ( 55 pounds)

I failed with the wall balls, which was 15 unbroken wall balls with a 14 pound ball.  I only got 7.  Since we only had to pass 8 item I was still good.  I also did 3 consecutive pull ups without a band so that was big stuff for me.

I went to a new accupucturist last week.  It was interesting and I loved my time spent on the table.  I find those needles totally relaxing.  Very zen.  However, after my first treatment my hair started falling out in clumps.  Small clumps, but clumps none the less.  Very strange.  I don’t think I am going back right away.  Also, I am out of money.

Other health news, I have spoken on here before about the state of my thyroid.  The last time it was tested, it was at 5.9.  Much too high, and in need of medication according to my doctor.  Of course, I refused medication and told her I wanted to work on it on my own first.  She is gracious and lovely and knows that I never do anything she says, so she said fine.  Come back in 3 months and let’s at least make sure it isn’t getting worse.  I went back last Friday and got the test.  My results came in today and my numbers was 2.274, a huge success.  The normal range is 0.35-5.50.  I still think it needs to come down a little more, but this is huge progress.  It does however leave me wondering why I haven’t dropped some of this weight and why my hair is still falling out???  Maybe with a little more time that will improve.  I’ll keep you posted.
The food around here has been good, but pretty standard for us.  I did make a new chicken nugget recipe called Fool’s Gold from Eat Like a Dinosaur tonight and the kids loved it.  Finally.  Most of my recipes lately have left my boys going to bed hungry.

Fool’s Gold Chicken Nuggets

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Fitness Friday

So at the moment I am blaming these dismal numbers on my approaching “lady issue” but I don’t know if that is really the case.  I don’t feel any bigger but I guess the numbers don’t lie.

Waist – 26 inches (up .25 from last week)

Hips – 34 inches  (up .25 from last week)

Thighs – 23 1/4  (up .25 from last week)

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Daily Log

Sleep– Slept great and no kids in my bed:))

Exercise- CrossFit at 9am.  Warm-up- Lots of new stretches, 5-10-15-10-5 Push ups, 3-6-9-6-3 Pull ups (blue resistance band); Lift- Backsquat- 2×10, 1×10+ (85#) last set did 11 or 12?, Overhead press- my biceps tendon is inflamed and screaming at me so I just used a 35# bar and worked on my form.  WOD- 12 minute AMRAP- 5 pull ups with blue band & 10 thrusters (trainer wouldn’t let me so thrusters because of injury so I did front squats) with 35# bar- 10 rounds + 5 reps.  At about 6pm I did a 12 minute Bodyrock workout with my hubby plus a 4 minute Bodyrock abs routine.

Food

Organic raspberries, sweet potato hash browns, 1 sausage

Lunch

Jim N Nick’s salad with pulled pork, minus the croutons

Finn helping me eat my salad:))

Dinner

Wild Alaskan Salmon Cakes, avocado, mixed organic leafy green and a pat of grass-fed butter- Yummy!

 

 

 

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Fitness Friday

I still didn’t weigh.  I think I will at some point, but I’m just not feeling it yet.  My measurement are:

Waist – 25 3/4 inches (1/4 inch loss)

Hip – 33 3/4 inches (1/4 inch loss)

Thigh – 23 inches (same)

Ok so not huge, but a little movement.  That seems promising:))

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Fitness Friday

Well, I’m not even going to bore you with the actual numbers because nothing has changed.  No gain, no loss.  However, this is the first week where I haven’t felt seriously discouraged that there wasn’t a loss.  I still feel like change is coming.  I know I have thyroid and adrenal issues and I think they are slowly improving.  I am in this for the long haul.  I signed an eight month contract with CrossFit and I am hoping by then I will get the results I am looking for.  That 8 months will end on my 35th birthday which I think is fitting.  At that point, if I still haven’t seen any change, I will reevaluate.  So for now, just hang in there with me.

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